Couple endures struggles of marriage

The following is the testimony of John and Chassity, a couple here in Aiken  who had struggles in their marriage, sought help, found reconciliation and now  have a great marriage. Their children will be brought up with loving and caring  parents. The testimony is written in Chassity’s words.

March 8, 2011 – I sat in a courtroom with the intent of a short-term  separation from my husband. … We actually drove to the courthouse together  with the promise that we were not really gonna get a divorce, but that we would  date each other and seek counseling. We agreed to only date each other and be  alone the rest of the time. As he dropped me off at work, we initially had  dinner plans that evening.

That night, I never heard from him, nor the next or the next. My heart was  broken in knowing I had been used, abandoned and lied to. In my mind, the  initial intent was a lie.

John and Chassity decided to seek marriage counseling and agreed to make the  changes in their lives necessary to bring about healing in the marriage.

March 9, 2012 – I sit here tonight in my house with my children. I am  missing, longing for and eagerly awaiting the arrival home from work of the man  that I renewed my vows with in August 2011. I thank God today for His victory  and great promises. What I would like to share with you is a few things I have  learned about life and marriage over the past year.

1. Be understanding and patient.

2. Be quick to listen and slow to speak. God gave us two ears and one mouth  for a reason.

3. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

4. Accept people for who they are. Either you like them or you don’t, but  remember Jesus loves them, and we are called as Christ followers to love our  brothers and those who persecute us.

5. Surround yourself with people who are like minded and support you in your  marriage, not discourage you from your spouse.

6. Put Jesus first, your spouse second, children third and so forth.

7. Read your Bible. You want answers … Jesus has them.

8. If you want change, change yourself. Psalm 139!

9. Communicate with your spouse, but know when to hold ’em and when to fold  ’em. Make sure it’s the right time, use the right tone and body language. Never  point the finger.

10. Realize that control is an illusion.

11. God’s presence is bigger than your problem.

12. Trust is like credit. Once it’s ruined, it takes time to rebuild.

13. Be obedient to Christ, even though, most often, it means giving up your  own wants and desires.

14. God made you, so He knows what’s best for you. Listen to Him … even  when you don’t want to.

15. Some people in your life … JUST HAVE TO GO … God will replace people  that bring you down with meaningful relationships.

16. Be careful who and what you listen to.

17. Sacrifice for your spouse. It always comes full circle.

18. Date and have fun!

19. Take your thoughts captive.

20. Never go to bed angry and always kiss your spouse good night.

21. Know your spouse’s love language and SPEAK IT!

22. God doesn’t always answer prayers how or when we want Him to, but our  prayers are always answered.

23. Strive to exercise the fruits of the spirit in your life … Galatians  5:22

24. Remember your identity lies in Christ and Christ alone!

25. Corinthians Chapter 13!

26. Intentionally pray for your spouse and children.

27. Forgive and extend grace ALWAYS!

These are just a few things that I have really taken to heart since John and  I have restored our marriage. Our marriage is not perfect, but God has done  miraculous things. We have found that the key in our marriage is striving to  please God first and striving to please each other second!

I am so thankful for Jesus and how He has overcome our issues, and so  thankful for John and the wonderful man that he is. Instead of finalizing our  divorce this March, we were able to CELEBRATE our five-year anniversary on Feb.  17. Never give up on your spouse … you’re really just giving up on yourself.  With God, all things are possible … (within His will).

With Love,

Chassity

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Date Night Challenge at Aiken Electric Coop, February 10th, 2012

Tonight was a  huge success for the “Date Night Challenge!”  We had 100+ in attendance and we ran out of food.  The food thing was a problem but the amount of marriages that were in attendance at the 1st Annual marriage celebration event was amazing.  I hope next year will bring double the attendance and we can spread the word of the importance of marriage more in our community!

I, John, had the opportunity to stand before 100+ people tonight and share our testimony in how God can do amazing things if you allow him to work in our lives.  I reflect on the situation that Chassity and I were in this time last year and really thank Him for allowing us to experiece what we did.  We can put all this junk behind us and press on and be thankful for the pain that we endured.  The old addage of pain is weakness leaving the body so holds true to the pain that the both of us endured during our separation.  Chassity hurt me and I hurt her but we remained vigilant and now we are experiencing the grace of God in our marriage.  Thank you Jesus for showing me that I am wicked, a sinner, and that I fall so short of the glory of God on a daily basis.  You know my heart and you know that I am completely and totally committed to the love of my life…my wife.  I am so much more focused on treating my wife as you called me too.

I reflect on the Super Bowl half time commercial featuring Clint Eastwood.  We are definetly at a “Halftime” point in this country.  We are at a crossroads where the people of this country need to stand up for the core institution of this country….our families and our marriages that are clearly established in the Bible.  We need to get bold and we need to get radical for reaching every man, woman, and child for the mercy, grace, and forgiveness that Christ offers on the cross.  It is time to set aside political affiliation, denomination, and the colors of skin to unite  our country and stand for what our fore fathers established this country upon.  That establishment should not be the people in Washington but the individual citizens of this country.  We the People need to take a stand for our families and our marriages!!

I will conclude that if every couple that attended the date night event invested in another couple in our community we will begin to see change.  We change lives by investing in lives and investing in marriages and families.  It is my hearts desire that the church get up and get out of the walls and fight for our community.  I am completely humbled by the outpouring love and support that has been offered to Chassity and I.  I am so blessed to have a man like Roger Rollins in my life to mentor me and encourage my vision for the Aiken community.   Tonight was just a beginning to getting radical for our families and marriages in our community.  We will effect change in our community when we invest in the lives of people on an individual basis.  Saving Marriages will Save communities and each and everyone of us need to get up off our complacent rears and get to work!!

2012 is gonna be AWESOME!! Call to Action!!

Hello to our blog followers!! I first want to start off by saying Happy New Year!  We have all had our ups and downs this year but I encourage each and every one of you to focus on the positive and let go off all the negative that we experienced in 2011.  I have learned that we can all take that baggage off our back and live in the mess or we can leave the baggage on our back and press forward for better times.

I can look back on 2011 and really say WHOA!! What a challenging year for me, my wife, my kids, and my family!! I was about to throw the towel in on another marriage and start the cycle all over again.  I am so thankful for the trials that I faced this past year and am really excited about the doors that God is gradually opening through the trials that now have us on the mountain top.  Chassity and I realize that we will not always be on this mountain and we will one day be in the valley again.  We also realize that we now know how to deal with the valleys and what we do in the valley is what defines us and grows us closer to our relationship with  Christ.

I am excited to announce that we will have our first outreach event in February during National Marriage Week to facilitate marriages to begin dating.  This event can serve also as a pre-Valentine’s day event for couples.  We have teamed up with FAMCO of Aiken and will be hosting a DATE NIGHT which will include a presentation by Focus on the Family, a catered dinner, and childcare will be provided.  We are providing child care for the event because we know that childcare is difficult for some and it is important that married couples date regularly to keep that flame burning.  Please come and join us for these few hours to celebrate your marriage and celebrate National Marriage Week.  If you are interested in attending this event please go to FAMCO’s website under the Upcoming Events tab and donate $40 per couple for the event. You can also go to EVENT BRIGHT and search the event and register through that site as well!! Hope to see you there!!

We are looking for sponsors for the event.  If you are a business owner, local church, or an individual that would like to support FAMCO of Aiken please contact me for sponsorship.  FAMCO is a non-profit organization and we rely on the community to support our organization to facilitate healthy marriages and healthy families.  Your support would be greatly appreciated and you will soon start seeing improvements in our community for families and marriages.  This has to be a community action to fight divorces and keep our families intact.  Divorce is killing our communities and our country and it’s time for us as Christians to get radical for our families.  We can not sit on the sidelines and watch a 50% divorce rate in our congregations.  It has to start in the church and it has to be a God centered marriage.  We can do this and I look forward to people in the community stepping up and joining this cause.

I have a vision for FAMCO.  This vision is huge and I know that it can be the number one resource for families in the State of South Carolina.  We will be working diligently throughout 2012 to hold events that glorify marriages and pulls  our families together.  The events will be fundraisers for FAMCO that we can continue to seek our vision for families in Aiken and surrounding communities.  I am excited that Roger Rollins has asked me to serve on the board for FAMCO in 2012 and it is my vision to take FAMCO to the next level over the next couple of years.

MENTORS!!  We need mentors!! Mentoring is not hard and if you are married it could be very advantageous to become a mentor through the Prepare Enrich program.  Check out the FAMCO website for further details.  Prepare means that we prepare couples for marriage and Enrich means that we help couples enrich their marriage.  This is an effort to reduce divorce on the front end in the form of pre-marital counseling and reducing divorce during marriage by coming alongside married couples to love on them and encourage them.  Too many couples are of the mentality that giving up on their marriage is the easiest option.  The bottom line is that divorcing is easy but we must have the consequences for our children and our well-being in the fore front of our minds.  I could elaborate more as to the cause and effect of divorce on families but that will come in a later post.  Please contact me or Roger Rollins regarding the PREPARE/ENRICH program and how you and your church can become involved.  Its EASY and all the tools are provided to you for the program.  You don’t have to be a professional counselor to make an impact on marriages in your community. It’s time for us to step out of our comfort zone and be the people of the church and serve others to exemplify marriages and healthy families so that we can ultimately glorify Jesus in our relationships.

Please pray where you feel God could use you and your church in reaching out to marriages in our community.  It is a must and we have to rally together and save the core institution of the family that Satan is so diligently destroying.

We love you guys and please call on us if you need anything!!

JB

Why marriages are failing at almost 50% divorce rate!

It is disturbing to me that our marriages in this country are failing at almost a 50% divorce rate.  To put this in perspective almost 1500 marriages are failing on a daily basis.  This means that children are being raised in a family that will not be intact by their paternal mother and father and will enter into the world of blended families.  People seem to think that the grass will be greener on the other side if they leave their current spouse and start afresh!! This is such a myth.  A myth that most of us don’t understand because we are humans and we are more concerned about living in the now versus being concerned with the effects that divorce will have on our children, our finances,  and overall the well being of our communities.

I write this entry with a humble heart because I have been through the very problems that a lot of people are experiencing in their marriage today.  As a matter of fact, I have been married once…divorced and married again and almost allowed divorce again.  After running, rebelling, and acting like a complete fool I came to realize that most of my marriage problems were ME!! Yes I said ME!!  I wanted to blame my problems in marriage on everyone else and I did not want to self analyze and self focus.  I felt I was the victim.  We are are born selfish and wicked humans.  This is nature for us as humans and this is the way that God created us.  Look at the story of Adam and Eve.  They were selfish, wicked, and sinful human beings that were created by God and they clearly defined Sin in our lives.  Sin is what the devil wants from us.  Sin is what draws us farther and farther away from the eyes of Jesus.  Sin is what causes us to fail and causes us to fall in the traps that we fall in on a daily basis.  Satan wants your marriage to fail and he wants you to continue the cycle of divorcing and remarrying.  The more we divorce and remarry the more families are broken and the more children are affected.  We must stop this cycle and until marriages, families, churches, and communities stand up to this epidemic. Our communities and our country will not rise to the top.

People don’t realize the economic impact that divorce has on our country.  Divorce is costing tax payers approximately $160 billion dollars a year.  This is just the cost to the tax payer.  We as Americans don’t look at divorce in this realm.   Chassity and I have decided to take a radical approach to saving as many marriages that we can in our community, in our state, and in our country!!  Marriage is the core institution of our country.  Marriage in most cases is where families begin.  We must band together as a community to help marriages survive and come along struggling marriages and love them through their problems.

I have teamed up with FAMCO of Aiken (Family and Marriage Coalition) to help marriages survive.  My marriage survived because we had Godly people come along side us, love us, pray for us, and counsel us through our issue.  I am so grateful for these people because my marriage is thriving and is better than it has ever been.  I am completely and totally in love with my wife and can honestly say that Chassity is my best friend.  I want this for every marriage.  I know that I can not save every marriage but one marriage saved is a victory and a loss for Satan.  We have come to know that if you don’t have Jesus in your marriage…..it will fail!!

Why are marriages failing?

1. People today don’t know how to be married.

2. Married couples don’t know how to communicate.

3. Our churches are failing our marriages

4. Couples are not being properly counseled prior to marriage.

5. Men don’t know how to love their wives as Christ loves the church

Some people are not going to like our approach to saving marriages.  Our approach will be biblical and strictly biblical.  We will not stray outside of the parameters of what God calls us to be in our marriage.  Chassity and I both have failed in the past as to how our marriage should operate in a biblical sense and this is why we experienced the problems that we experienced.  We are on track now and we feel God has called us to mentor other couples in showing them how to be successful in their marriage.

I could continue for days about what we feel our cause is for marriages in our community.  It will be a radical approach to reconciling marriages and not giving married couples the feel good message but a more in your face, speaking the truth in love, biblical approach to marital issues.  We are so tired of the church sweeping divorce under the rug and not dealing with the core issues within our families.  Enough is enough and we will do what we can to combat this problem.  If you want help…please call on us or FAMCO and we will get the right resources for you to help with your marriage.  Please Please Please don’t have the mentality of throwing in the towel and the grass will be greener on the other side.  It will not be and WE PROMISE if you remain vigilant in the marriage that you are in….it will be rewarding.  You have to want to do it!!!

 

 

 

WE ARE EXCITED ABOUT OUR NEW BLOG AND 2012!!!

Hey Guys!! We are working hard on our new blog page!! This is work in progress and if you have any suggestions feel free to leave us a comment and let us know what you think would be helpful.  We have added some tabs that we feel will be helpful and offer resources for marriages.  It is our goal to step outside our comfort zone and offer marriage enrichment information and the best resources available to our community.  Please check our new blog page and pass it on to your family and friends.  God has called us to reach out in ministry to married couples that are struggling and on the brink of divorce.  We are taking this process slowly and waiting for God to open up doors for us.  They are being opened up slowly and we ask that you continue to pray for God’s guidance and wisdom in how he wants us to reach marriages in our community.

We are excited to announce that Roger Rollin’s with FAMCO, Family and Marriage Coalition, to serve on the board in 2012.  This is exciting for John because he has a passion for marriages in our community.  John, has a huge vision to reach our community and our state for marriages and healthy families.  Please pray for him as he embarks on a vision and pray that he will be led by God and Godly people in his quest.